That is just so sad. I want to hold AR to my bosom and never let him go. POOR CONFUSED SUPERCOMPUTER-TURNED-WHAT-THE-FUCK-ARE-EMOTIONS-HUMAN.
Oh man. Have I mentioned that's my favorite question ever? WHERE DO I EVEN START ON THE TOPIC OF VRISKA PALEMANCING FOR JOHN. Sit your ass down, it is story time. Story time that involves MAD HEADCANON THAT STARTS WIIIIIITH:
So, immediately after her death, Vriska ends up in a dream bubble that involves the dead doomed John that Terezi managed to blow up. Vriska presses John throughout that initial conversation to see if he'll remember her, but eventually seems to give up hope that he will. He still manages to surprise her by picking up on things she'd thought he was too oblivious to get, and basically just being John, but, let's be honest. He's not her John. This is not the boy she raised to god tier, this isn't the kid to whom she turned in a moment of deep personal crisis who walked her through it despite being totally freaked out by her alien ways. This is not the boy who wished her luck, and asked if they could talk one last time. This isn't the boy who she asked out on a date, having apparently waxed flush for him over the course of their hours and hours of talking. This isn't the boy, in fact, that she absconded deep into the meteor to avoid all others just to talk to - to the exclusion of literally all others, at least as far as her pesterlogs go. This boy, in fact, barely knows who she is, and has to get to know her all over again. That might not be so bad, if it weren't for the fact that some bonding experiences are a one time only deal - like trusting an alien to put you to sleep, and waking up a god. You can't do that over.
So it's my personal belief that Vriska was always a little bit disappointed with dead doomed John. They obviously ended up dating, and I think it's likely that in any timeline or formulation, Vriska and John are probably going to get along. They have the same taste in movies and their senses of humor mesh surprisingly well. He's just enough of a douchebag to match up to her bitchiness, and she can calm her ass down enough to match his more neutral/kinder/goofier moments. She finds his dorkiness endearing, and he seems to trust and respect her game knowledge and her capabilities. They just get along. But I think the fact remained that, to Vriska, this was never the boy she actually asked out. And I think maybe he knew it, too. Isn't that kind of weird? To date the dead version of a girl who apparently asks you out but you never get there and maybe never are really sure why? She eventually tries to explain it to you, but she's embarrassed by all the candor she showed in the heat of the extended moment that was the beta session, and ends up phrasing things a littttttle more favorably in her favor. The sum total being that it never sounds quite the same, and doesn't make as much sense as it did the first time. Somehow, it just never clicks like it might have.
Eventually they break up. It's completely amicable, with no bitterness to speak of, and they remain friends. Maybe there was a make out or two in the interim. Probably. But all along it never felt quite right and they're ultimately happier as friends. What happens after that is hard to say. Vriska obviously, eventually, leaves. John is killed in Lord English's assault, something about which Vriska later seems to be pretty well informed. Was she there at the time, but managed to escape? Had she departed willingly some time ago? Unwillingly? Who knows. I always used to think that one day she just woke up to find herself in this vast desert wasteland, alone, and John was gone, and that was that. I still sort of hold to that, though obviously I remain open to jossing and/or contradiction.
So events of the alpha timeline move forward, she gets turned into The Abominable Spritemonster, travels around the furthest ring with Tavros, etc etc etc. Then she finally runs into John again! Awesome! They have a great talk, catch up a little, it's pretty great. And, of course - despite that fakeout by Hussie, because fuck you, Hussie - they remember each other perfectly well. It's a good meeting. It's from very shortly after that meeting that Vriska turns up in Thoughtformed. And hey look! There's John again. Only now there aren't conniving sea bitches getting in the way and she can actually get to know him. Not just over the course of a couple of hours or a conversation here or there. This is alpha John, the boy she actually got to know, and she can spend as much time with him as she wants. They hang out in person. They talk. They joke and mess around and do stupid shit in school (even though she ends up in detention and he doesn't, because she always takes it too far, usually when he's not around). Mistletoe happens and they kiss and it's weird but kind of nice. The truth event happens and John is the one to show up when Sherlock makes her admit to bunches and bunches of murders and he's the one to calm her down. He's the one that meets her atop Genosha and just talks to her, not yelling or judging, just talking. Valentine's happens and John's the one to turn up all stupid and adorable and heroic and rescue her from Scratch. And she watches him flail and act a little nervous, they watch stupid explosion-filled movies and laugh their asses off, and then she, probably, possibly, plants a sloppy kiss on his cheek and admits in a terrible rush that she's painfully pale for him.
If you asked her if she hadn't thought about the flushed aspect of things, she'd be lying if she told you no. Hanging out with John, being with him, the boy who remembers her, the boy who rescues her and cares about her and laughs with her and loves her in his own way, has reminded her powerfully of all the reasons she went flushed for him in the first place. But there is, of course, something mentally holding her back. And that something is loud and shouty and almost exclusively ornery. That something is Karkat. Karkat, bless his twisted black little heart, who has gone to bat for her several times, defending her when he didn't have to and didn't need to, sticking up for the fact that she seems to be trying to turn over a new leaf. His defense of her has won him her loyalty. And it's because of that - because she loves John and cares about Karkat - that she's sworn to herself not to fuck them up. That, more than anything, has been a driving, motivational force for Vriska. She's fucked up so many good things she cared about in her life. She knows that in the timeline where she fights Jack, it's because Terezi and Karkat died. She doesn't want to fuck up the things she cares about anymore. She's aware that her chances for fucking things up have basically run out. And because she actually cares about these two stupid idiots, she actually wants them to be happy. So, yeah. The thought of getting another shot at John has crossed her mind. But she would never take it, not even if it were (for some insane reason) offered, because she wants him and Karkat to actually be happy and refuses to be the reason that gets fucked up.
Blocking that out in her mind has only done so much good. Her feeling for John had to go somewhere. And her whole heart ended up pouring into the pale quadrant because she found herself, more than anything, wanting to return the favor he kept doing her of calming her down, being there for her, and taking care of her. Whatever label you choose to put on it, Vriska loves John dearly, maybe more than anything else she's ever cared for in her life, and she wants to protect him. To raise him up. To make him great! God, she's already done that, but she wants to keep doing it. She wants to be his best friend, the person who has his back. And Dave, you know, fills that role, of course -- and that's not precisely the role Vriska wants to fill anyway, which is probably a good thing for everybody. There's other aspects, I think, to a moirailship than just being someone's best buddy, and for Vriska it does go deeper. He's saved her life now, after the superhero event - in her mind, they're effectively even. And with a relatively clean slate she wants to ... be his moirail. Take care of him, look after him, spend time with him, whatever the hell that means. She's so pale for him it's fucking absurd and it makes her feel kind of stupid and ridiculous sometimes, especially because he's human and doesn't really get it. (She finds it simultaneously weird and gratifying that she can apparently bitch to Karkat about it and he just rolls with it. Not only that but perfectly understands and bitches about it too.)
Ugh ugh ugh John is that one person Vriska would do literally anything for. She's not the most giving of people and it's not really in her nature to be kind or thoughtful. Hell, being thoughtless and impulsive is kind of what gets her into most of the serious trouble of her life. And just being plain thoughtless and a touch cruel and vicious is how she drives so many people away. But John (Stupid Sexy) Egbert inspires her to be better. He's one of the reasons she's trying so hard to stop being so ... awful. She wants to be a good enough person to actually BE his moirail. She wants to be someone he can rely on, not someone he has to be wary of going off and, you know, killing people or ruining lives or whatever. She's finally self-aware enough to realize the ways in which her old habits would make her a FUCKING AWFUL moirail and cleaning up her act is a big effort on her part to be worthy of filling that quadrant for him. She's just this huge awful bitch in so many ways but John makes her want to be a good person. John IS what makes her a good person. It's when she's a good person on her own that she'll have actually changed, but for now maybe the pretending is enough. It's starting to work, anyway. (As people like Hal have seen.)
tl;dr Vriska loves John stupidly, is stupidly pale for him, and is changing so much of her life because she wants to be ~worthy~ of being his moirail. It's stupid, this is stupid, sob, she just has a lot of feelings and SO DO I. DO YOU REGRET ASKING ME THIS QUESTION YET?!
sigh. siiiiiiigh. ok. thing i've been curious about. on the hearts meme hal basically said he's not sure he could do or be all those things for Vriska that dating would entail. Why? Because of Dirk's sexual orientation, which he's meant to inherit I'm sure, or something else? Could he actually end up wanting to date her for realsies?
no subject
Oh man. Have I mentioned that's my favorite question ever? WHERE DO I EVEN START ON THE TOPIC OF VRISKA PALEMANCING FOR JOHN. Sit your ass down, it is story time. Story time that involves MAD HEADCANON THAT STARTS WIIIIIITH:
So, immediately after her death, Vriska ends up in a dream bubble that involves the dead doomed John that Terezi managed to blow up. Vriska presses John throughout that initial conversation to see if he'll remember her, but eventually seems to give up hope that he will. He still manages to surprise her by picking up on things she'd thought he was too oblivious to get, and basically just being John, but, let's be honest. He's not her John. This is not the boy she raised to god tier, this isn't the kid to whom she turned in a moment of deep personal crisis who walked her through it despite being totally freaked out by her alien ways. This is not the boy who wished her luck, and asked if they could talk one last time. This isn't the boy who she asked out on a date, having apparently waxed flush for him over the course of their hours and hours of talking. This isn't the boy, in fact, that she absconded deep into the meteor to avoid all others just to talk to - to the exclusion of literally all others, at least as far as her pesterlogs go. This boy, in fact, barely knows who she is, and has to get to know her all over again. That might not be so bad, if it weren't for the fact that some bonding experiences are a one time only deal - like trusting an alien to put you to sleep, and waking up a god. You can't do that over.
So it's my personal belief that Vriska was always a little bit disappointed with dead doomed John. They obviously ended up dating, and I think it's likely that in any timeline or formulation, Vriska and John are probably going to get along. They have the same taste in movies and their senses of humor mesh surprisingly well. He's just enough of a douchebag to match up to her bitchiness, and she can calm her ass down enough to match his more neutral/kinder/goofier moments. She finds his dorkiness endearing, and he seems to trust and respect her game knowledge and her capabilities. They just get along. But I think the fact remained that, to Vriska, this was never the boy she actually asked out. And I think maybe he knew it, too. Isn't that kind of weird? To date the dead version of a girl who apparently asks you out but you never get there and maybe never are really sure why? She eventually tries to explain it to you, but she's embarrassed by all the candor she showed in the heat of the extended moment that was the beta session, and ends up phrasing things a littttttle more favorably in her favor. The sum total being that it never sounds quite the same, and doesn't make as much sense as it did the first time. Somehow, it just never clicks like it might have.
Eventually they break up. It's completely amicable, with no bitterness to speak of, and they remain friends. Maybe there was a make out or two in the interim. Probably. But all along it never felt quite right and they're ultimately happier as friends. What happens after that is hard to say. Vriska obviously, eventually, leaves. John is killed in Lord English's assault, something about which Vriska later seems to be pretty well informed. Was she there at the time, but managed to escape? Had she departed willingly some time ago? Unwillingly? Who knows. I always used to think that one day she just woke up to find herself in this vast desert wasteland, alone, and John was gone, and that was that. I still sort of hold to that, though obviously I remain open to jossing and/or contradiction.
So events of the alpha timeline move forward, she gets turned into The Abominable Spritemonster, travels around the furthest ring with Tavros, etc etc etc. Then she finally runs into John again! Awesome! They have a great talk, catch up a little, it's pretty great. And, of course - despite that fakeout by Hussie, because fuck you, Hussie - they remember each other perfectly well. It's a good meeting. It's from very shortly after that meeting that Vriska turns up in Thoughtformed. And hey look! There's John again. Only now there aren't conniving sea bitches getting in the way and she can actually get to know him. Not just over the course of a couple of hours or a conversation here or there. This is alpha John, the boy she actually got to know, and she can spend as much time with him as she wants. They hang out in person. They talk. They joke and mess around and do stupid shit in school (even though she ends up in detention and he doesn't, because she always takes it too far, usually when he's not around). Mistletoe happens and they kiss and it's weird but kind of nice. The truth event happens and John is the one to show up when Sherlock makes her admit to bunches and bunches of murders and he's the one to calm her down. He's the one that meets her atop Genosha and just talks to her, not yelling or judging, just talking. Valentine's happens and John's the one to turn up all stupid and adorable and heroic and rescue her from Scratch. And she watches him flail and act a little nervous, they watch stupid explosion-filled movies and laugh their asses off, and then she, probably, possibly, plants a sloppy kiss on his cheek and admits in a terrible rush that she's painfully pale for him.
If you asked her if she hadn't thought about the flushed aspect of things, she'd be lying if she told you no. Hanging out with John, being with him, the boy who remembers her, the boy who rescues her and cares about her and laughs with her and loves her in his own way, has reminded her powerfully of all the reasons she went flushed for him in the first place. But there is, of course, something mentally holding her back. And that something is loud and shouty and almost exclusively ornery. That something is Karkat. Karkat, bless his twisted black little heart, who has gone to bat for her several times, defending her when he didn't have to and didn't need to, sticking up for the fact that she seems to be trying to turn over a new leaf. His defense of her has won him her loyalty. And it's because of that - because she loves John and cares about Karkat - that she's sworn to herself not to fuck them up. That, more than anything, has been a driving, motivational force for Vriska. She's fucked up so many good things she cared about in her life. She knows that in the timeline where she fights Jack, it's because Terezi and Karkat died. She doesn't want to fuck up the things she cares about anymore. She's aware that her chances for fucking things up have basically run out. And because she actually cares about these two stupid idiots, she actually wants them to be happy. So, yeah. The thought of getting another shot at John has crossed her mind. But she would never take it, not even if it were (for some insane reason) offered, because she wants him and Karkat to actually be happy and refuses to be the reason that gets fucked up.
Blocking that out in her mind has only done so much good. Her feeling for John had to go somewhere. And her whole heart ended up pouring into the pale quadrant because she found herself, more than anything, wanting to return the favor he kept doing her of calming her down, being there for her, and taking care of her. Whatever label you choose to put on it, Vriska loves John dearly, maybe more than anything else she's ever cared for in her life, and she wants to protect him. To raise him up. To make him great! God, she's already done that, but she wants to keep doing it. She wants to be his best friend, the person who has his back. And Dave, you know, fills that role, of course -- and that's not precisely the role Vriska wants to fill anyway, which is probably a good thing for everybody. There's other aspects, I think, to a moirailship than just being someone's best buddy, and for Vriska it does go deeper. He's saved her life now, after the superhero event - in her mind, they're effectively even. And with a relatively clean slate she wants to ... be his moirail. Take care of him, look after him, spend time with him, whatever the hell that means. She's so pale for him it's fucking absurd and it makes her feel kind of stupid and ridiculous sometimes, especially because he's human and doesn't really get it. (She finds it simultaneously weird and gratifying that she can apparently bitch to Karkat about it and he just rolls with it. Not only that but perfectly understands and bitches about it too.)
Ugh ugh ugh John is that one person Vriska would do literally anything for. She's not the most giving of people and it's not really in her nature to be kind or thoughtful. Hell, being thoughtless and impulsive is kind of what gets her into most of the serious trouble of her life. And just being plain thoughtless and a touch cruel and vicious is how she drives so many people away. But John (Stupid Sexy) Egbert inspires her to be better. He's one of the reasons she's trying so hard to stop being so ... awful. She wants to be a good enough person to actually BE his moirail. She wants to be someone he can rely on, not someone he has to be wary of going off and, you know, killing people or ruining lives or whatever. She's finally self-aware enough to realize the ways in which her old habits would make her a FUCKING AWFUL moirail and cleaning up her act is a big effort on her part to be worthy of filling that quadrant for him. She's just this huge awful bitch in so many ways but John makes her want to be a good person. John IS what makes her a good person. It's when she's a good person on her own that she'll have actually changed, but for now maybe the pretending is enough. It's starting to work, anyway. (As people like Hal have seen.)
tl;dr Vriska loves John stupidly, is stupidly pale for him, and is changing so much of her life because she wants to be ~worthy~ of being his moirail. It's stupid, this is stupid, sob, she just has a lot of feelings and SO DO I. DO YOU REGRET ASKING ME THIS QUESTION YET?!
sigh. siiiiiiigh. ok. thing i've been curious about. on the hearts meme hal basically said he's not sure he could do or be all those things for Vriska that dating would entail. Why? Because of Dirk's sexual orientation, which he's meant to inherit I'm sure, or something else? Could he actually end up wanting to date her for realsies?